What Is Spiritual Direction, Anyway?
When people ask me, “What do you do?” and I respond that I’m a spiritual director, I usually get one of two responses.
An immediate break in eye contact, as if I might be a strange or even unstable human, one it’s best not to talk to for too long, followed by the carefully neutral response, “Oh, that’s nice.”
A spark of interest and some curious follow up questions, because here is a career that is not easily categorized, at least not in most circles.
I was no different the first time I heard the term: I ran across an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in a few years. She seemed down and I asked what was the matter. She told me that she was training to be a spiritual director, something I’d never heard of, and that two of her “directees” had to move so she didn’t have anyone to finish her practicum experience with.
“So what exactly is a spiritual director? And what do you do during direction times?” I asked.
“I mainly listen while you process your journey with God and help you notice where He is at work. I ask helpful questions from time to time or suggest a prayer practice here and there. But the space is open for you to talk about your soul and its relationship with God. It would be completely free, since I’m still in training,” she replied.
Oh, wow, I thought, So I just talk about myself once a month for free? No skin off my back if that helps her out. It might even be fun.
That is the extremely holy way I came to spiritual direction.
I started attending direction sessions with her and felt an awakening in parts of my soul where I hadn’t even realized I’d been sleeping. My husband would ask me, “What do you do in direction?” And I’d answer, “Well, I cry a lot. But I also feel really close to Jesus. And I feel like my heart is becoming more alive.” His analytical mind didn’t know what to make of my responses (but don’t worry. He got sucked into it too, eventually).
In her definitive book on the subject, Sue Pickering explains,
...spiritual direction could be defined as taking place when one person (the director) prayerfully supports and encourages another person (the directee) to attend and respond to God. As a fellow pilgrim, the spiritual director accompanies the directee on this journey of faith. The real ‘director’ is the Holy Spirit, who initiates and inspires the directee’s deepening relationship with the Trinity, with his or her own self, with other people, and with the realities of life … (3).
For those who prefer analogies to definitions, Pickering also quotes Simon Brown, a New Zealand pastor and spiritual director, who describes direction as follows:
The task of a spiritual director is to be positioned, like a campfire in the wilderness, welcoming the sojourners from all corners of life to stop, relax and “yarn” for a while. A place where tired bodies and spirits are warmed by the fire and refreshed. A friendly atmosphere where stories of the road are shared among travelers. The job of the spiritual director is to keep the fire burning because one never knows when a traveler will come and sit. It doesn’t matter where on the journey the traveler has been exploring, or how long they have been walking, if they come in peace to sit on a log by the campfire, they are welcome (32).
Ultimately, a spiritual director is a listening companion who helps the person receiving direction become more aware of the presence, movement and invitation of God in everyday life and prayer. Spiritual direction facilitates the process of responding to the mystery of God in all of life, in a growing relationship of freedom and commitment.
Sometimes it’s also helpful to understand what isn’t direction or lies outside its boundaries. Spiritual direction is NOT:
Being told what to do in my spiritual life by an expert;
Someone giving me ideas about how to pray;
Having a talk with a minister/pastor;
Being accountable to someone for my spiritual progress;
Only for super-spiritual people in ministry or service.
People can receive direction as often as they want, but typically, they meet with a director once a month/every six weeks. A session is usually 45-60 minutes long, either in person or through Zoom/FaceTime. Fees vary depending on a director’s experience and setting (within a church or freelance). The director will open the session in prayer and then allow for periods of silence where the directee prays and listens to what is going on internally or what they are sensing from God. Then the directee describes these internal thoughts and longings; the director listens and may occasionally ask helpful questions, make an observation, or a suggestion. However, the bulk of the conversation is between the directee and God. The director is a facilitator or, as some have described it, a midwife to whatever God is birthing in that moment.
If you’re interested in learning more or touching base with a spiritual director (AKA, fellow pilgrim, campfire in the wilderness, listening companion), here are several resources that might be helpful in finding a director of your own.
Many churches or Christian counseling centers have spiritual directors on staff or referral
Pickering, Sue. Spiritual Direction: A Practical Introduction. Canterbury Press Norwich, 2014.